the end.

So there's this guy his name is Donrupert & he meant the whole wide world to me. I truly thought that I was finally in love with someone, who makes my heart skips a beat & leaves me breathless. He made me feel something that I've never felt before. The way he used to hold me felt like he would never let go or ever hurt me, when he looked at me made it seem like I was the only girl that he saw in his eyes. I felt all the things that a young girl in love would feel.

Our relationship wasn't the greatest realationship. We both fucked up here & there, but he hurt me the worst with all the things he did. He seriously did me wrong. . After finding out all the things that he did our relationship was never the same. I couldn't trust him & he couldn't trust me either. Even though we told each other that we trusted each other . . we didn't. We always told each other that we loved each other & that we were going to get married, but in the back of my mind I knew that we werent going to grow old with each other & that our feelings for each other were fading away. .

Anyways, He moved to chicago 8 months ago. . We planned on doing a long distance relationship, but that only lasted a couple weeks then we broke up & stopped talking for about three months. The day I thought I was getting over him . I figured that I wasn't because everything that I seemed to do reminded me of him . So I decided to text him & then we ended up going back to talking. . but then I ended up bringing up the past which made us stop talking for a month . Then he ended up calling me ( drunk called me ) I answered told him I was busy & that he should call me later. . he didn't call. So it made me wonder the whole next day why he called. . So I texted him he told me it was on accident & then I just seriously tried to keep a conversation going with him he then decided to call me & from that day 'til now we still talk & say that we miss & love each other. It's not something that people should do, because all you're doing is just hurting yourself. I know that he doesn't take what we have seriously since he's 1.000 miles away & that he probably is dating a girl over there in Chicago. I don't want to believe that he is dating someone, but my heart knows that his heart doesnt just belong to me. . -__-

I don't plan to take this friendship or whatever we are to another level or anything. He can honestly do whatever he pleases. I haven't been faithful in whatever we have going on right now. There is no reason for me to stay faithful with him when we're not even together. I don't know why I even bother waiting by the phone hoping that he'll call. My feelings for him aren't even the same like it was before. . i'm sorry.

You still have my heart babyy.

i miss you.

hello there old love,

I miss you. . I want you to know that I still think about you & that I still love you. . I haven't really thought about you lately. Maybe I'm finally getting over you, but maybe I'm not because just earlier today I went through my recycle bin on the computer & restored all the pictures I had of us. You don't know how much I wish I was in your arms right now. How I miss being with you everyday & seeing you every morning & night. I wish you lived back here in Vegas again. . I hate how you're so far away & how things ended the way they did. . I want you to know that I still have that voicemail that you left me. . I listen to it every once & awhile just so I can remember how you sound. . Everytime I listen to it my heart always seems to melt when you said that you still love me. .

I really want to pick up the phone & just text you or call you to say how much I want us to work, but that's me being selfish. . wanting something to work out when I already know that it wont. I live here in Vegas & you're all the way in Chicago. How will it work between us when we don't even trust each other ? How will it work when I always want to see you everyday, but I know that I cant. .

I miss you . . I miss you so much. . I miss you more than anyone. I want you back home with me. I want you here now. I'm still in love with you. . I need you here. I can't let you go . . I really can't, but I know I have to. .

always & infinite. . that's what you used to say to me. . I love you. . always. . & infinite baby. .

I miss you so much it hurts. .

I don't know what to do. I'm giving you my heart & you're not taking it. grrr. i hate how you're playing hard to get. I don't even know what the fuck you're trying to do. this is stupid really really stupid. -__-

If you won't tell him, then I fuckin' will.

Chris Brown - Ya man ain't me.

"Stop Trippin', I know you got a girl , but boy she slippin'. I can see myself gettin' in where I fit in. I want you to see just how much your girl ain't me. "

Happy Fourth Of July !

she's lucky to have you.

I really hope she knows what she has. You are absolutely amazing, You have a great smile, & You know how to keep a conversation going. I spent two days with you & it was great. After everything that happened between us which was unexpected I really can't help but to have feelings for you. I don't understand why you did the things you did with me when you're obviously in love with this girl, but I guess it was my fault too. . I knew you loved her & I didn't even stop you from doing anything with me.

I feel used, because we haven't talked for the passed three days & it kinda sucks. You told me you liked me that night & that you couldn't control your feelings for me. You don't want anything to happen between us, because I'm your best friends ex girlfriend. I know we both thought that nothing was going to happen, but you should have known the consequences when you held my hand & kissed me. Why'd you do it ?

I hate what we did. I regret every single thing that we did. I hate you. I never thought that I would say this, but I hate you for using me. I hate that I couldn't control my feelings for you. I hate the way you look at me with those greyish blue eyes of yours. I hate your stupid perfect smile. I hate the way you hold me. I hate the way you whine when you want me to cuddle with you. I hate how kiddish your voice sounds & how you rant about all these random facts. I hate the way I teared up in front of you after everything we did & how you were able to talk about how you still love your ex. . that hurt.

I hate you so much. . I really do.

I'm done chasing you & trying to make shit work with you. I'm done with this shit. You still want to go out & have fun with girls. Well Fck You. Good luck. I'm done sitting here always getting hurt with your bullshit. you lie & lie & lie. I'm fcking done. No more answering your calls & no more texting you. I'm done with this shit. you don't love me. you never did. FUCK YOU !

Ughh my other blog is being a total whack job !

October 24, 2004

It's been 6 years since we broke up & I still love you. Maybe, because you were the first guy I've ever fallen in love with. I remember when we broke up we both cried & I didn't realize that you were trying to get back with me. I should have opened my eyes. . maybe we could've lasted for a very long time. .

It's summer time & you know what always happens when summer comes around. . We always end up having that summer love with each other. . You & I had a talk about this & you even admitted that it was summer love. .

Oh gawd I can't believe I still have these strong feelings for you. . All I know is that I've always loved you & I've never stopped. . Even when I was dating someone else. No other guys can compare to you. I'm still madly in love with you ♥

I've been having back pains for the longest time now. . I hate it ! I don't know what's wrong with me :\ My back has been hurting for the past few months now & sometimes it'll go away for awhile, but then it'll come back. I just recently took a pain killer hoping that the pain will go away, but it hasn't gone away & I'm still in pain. Right now I just want to shoot myself so I won't feel all this stuff. -___- I'm not on my period or anything & I'm still having back problems. . what the hell is wrong with me . . whatevers I hope it doesn't ruin my night tonight with my best friend ♥
Tonight, my best friend will be picking me up so I can sleepover and spend time with her. I hope we don't party anything, She say's that all we'll do is just smoke hookah at her place & that we can invite people over. I don' t know who I'd want to invite I have someone in mind, but I'm kinda ehhh about asking him to hang out. haha I feel like when the night is over he'll ask to take me home & I'll end up ditching my best friend, but I don't want to do that. . It'll just be fcked up & I know what will happen if he did take me home. Things will just lead to the next one & shit. Ughhh I don't know what's wrong with me I'm stuck in love with both of my ex's this sucks. -_-
It's 12:11 pm & there's nothing to do this fine afternoon. I haven't talked to my cousin or his girlfriend for a week right now. I don't know if they're mad at me or anything. Usually my cousins girlfriend texts me, but she hasn't texted me. I guess my cousin doesn't want her talking to me or something. Whatever. . He always does this. . Stupid cousin always trippin' that me & his girlfriend get a long.
My ex called me this morning it's nice getting phone calls from him. . Every time he calls me & before he says goodbye he'll say " okay, I'll call you later ." & i'll reply saying " okay bye" & he'll say " okay bye I lo..bye i messh you" & I laugh every time that happens. I don't want to believe him when he says that & I'm not going to fall for him & his stupid games. I know once school will start for him he'll drop me & find someone else or he'll hide it or something. I guess I still don't trust him, but that's okay. . Because sooner or later I'll find someone else also.

ehhh.. I hate my life right now.

Don't lie to your feelings. Sooner or later, it'll be the thing that you'll regret the most.

I lied, I'm still not over you.

blah blah blah . Hi ! My name is Robin :)

I'm still unsure on what's going on between us. . I'm scared that all you're going to do is hurt me.
You're planning to hang out with some girl you haven't even met yet . . What if she wins your heart ? & you fall for her. .

i hate that you're gone.

I hate the fact that you moved away . . We we're only together for a year & two months when you left. . I hate how once you got to Chicago everything between us fell apart. We didn't trust each other & we always fought over stupid things. . We only made it to One Year & Three Months. . & then you broke up with me & never wanted me to be in your life anymore. . So I did what you wished for & stopped calling & texting you. The 3 Months that went by of us not talking to each other killed me. . I thought about you everyday. The first few weeks I cried myself to sleep wishing that you'd call just so I can hear your voice again, but I got nothing. The first month for me was terrible, the second month I thought I was over you I went from a phase of being so sad & depressed to being happy . . That month I always told myself that I was over you & for a second I believed in myself. . I really thought I was over you. . Until I saw one our mutual friends & he brought you up & it just made me think deep down that I'm still in love with you. . that was the beginning of the third month & as the weeks went by I always looked at my phone & wanted to text you. . Then finally one day I had the courage to text you & say hi. . We ended up telling each other we miss each other. It was the most greatest feeling ever. . We texted for a little bit that day. . then the next day I didn't hear from you & the day after you'd text me. It was that same routine for about two weeks. One day you'd text me the next day you didn't then you'd text me again. . Ugh. I hated that I felt like I was being used or something, but now I hear from you everyday. You call me at night just so I can fall asleep with you on the phone. You text me in the middle of the day just to say that you miss me. It feels like we're together again. . just without the "i love yous."

Honestly, I hate that you're not mine. Why can't we just be together ? Is it because you're going to start school soon & you don't plan to talk to me, because some other girl might come around. . I tell everyone that I don't even have feelings for you anymore & that talking to you is just a game for me, but really it isn't. I want us to be together again. . I really do. You can't have me sitting around waiting three years for you to come back home & be with me. .

stop playing these stupid games with me . . all you're doing is hurting me.

I'm new to this site & it's really confusing. Oh well I'll get used to it sooner or later. :)