i hate that you're gone.

I hate the fact that you moved away . . We we're only together for a year & two months when you left. . I hate how once you got to Chicago everything between us fell apart. We didn't trust each other & we always fought over stupid things. . We only made it to One Year & Three Months. . & then you broke up with me & never wanted me to be in your life anymore. . So I did what you wished for & stopped calling & texting you. The 3 Months that went by of us not talking to each other killed me. . I thought about you everyday. The first few weeks I cried myself to sleep wishing that you'd call just so I can hear your voice again, but I got nothing. The first month for me was terrible, the second month I thought I was over you I went from a phase of being so sad & depressed to being happy . . That month I always told myself that I was over you & for a second I believed in myself. . I really thought I was over you. . Until I saw one our mutual friends & he brought you up & it just made me think deep down that I'm still in love with you. . that was the beginning of the third month & as the weeks went by I always looked at my phone & wanted to text you. . Then finally one day I had the courage to text you & say hi. . We ended up telling each other we miss each other. It was the most greatest feeling ever. . We texted for a little bit that day. . then the next day I didn't hear from you & the day after you'd text me. It was that same routine for about two weeks. One day you'd text me the next day you didn't then you'd text me again. . Ugh. I hated that I felt like I was being used or something, but now I hear from you everyday. You call me at night just so I can fall asleep with you on the phone. You text me in the middle of the day just to say that you miss me. It feels like we're together again. . just without the "i love yous."

Honestly, I hate that you're not mine. Why can't we just be together ? Is it because you're going to start school soon & you don't plan to talk to me, because some other girl might come around. . I tell everyone that I don't even have feelings for you anymore & that talking to you is just a game for me, but really it isn't. I want us to be together again. . I really do. You can't have me sitting around waiting three years for you to come back home & be with me. .

stop playing these stupid games with me . . all you're doing is hurting me.